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I claim the right of a reasonable being, to be influenced in and through my reason, and henceforth, throughout my whole life, am fully resolved to resist all dictation, coming in the form of despotic mandates in defiance of reason.

My first battle with despotism was now to be fought in resistance to this unreasonable command. Had the Doctor given me one reason why he wished me returned to the maniac's ward, I would have been satisfied to obey his command, even if I did not see the propriety of his reason. But he did not, even when I asked for one. The facts were these:

One day, after quietly enjoying my new surroundings for a few short weeks, the Doctor came to my room and in a very quiet, pleasant tone remarked:

"Mrs. Packard, I have given your letter to Mr. Russell, and the reply will depend upon him and his decision.

"Thank you, Dr. McFarland."

He then said:

"Mrs. Packard, I have been making new arrangements -- I have fitted up the ward above you clean and nice, and I am to occupy it with a quiet class of patients, with Miss Smith and Miss Baily for attendants; I have thought it best to have you go and occupy the room above yours."

That room was a screen-room. I replied:

"I did request to go to the new Eighth, to my airy, corner room, that I might have the benefit of purer air, since I am now so closely confined within doors, but I do not wish to go into the ward you assign me, because Miss Smith is a cruel attendant, and I am becoming so extremely sensitive to wrong and abuse, that I cannot, and shall not witness it without interference, even if you put me into fetters for it."

"Perhaps you might benefit her -- do her good."

"Perhaps I might -- I have thought of that -- still, I feel that I owe a duty to myself, also."

Here he passed on, simply remarking:

"I have decided to have you go."

"And I have decided not to go! It will be merely an act of brute force on your part that puts me there. It is a requirement of despotism, and I am conscience-bound to resist it."

Mrs. Page, one of the sane prisoners, said to me when the Doctor was out of hearing:

"It is your duty to yield to despotism, if it is Beelzebub himself who issues the command, if it comes in man form!"

But Mrs. Page and I differ in opinion on that point. I agree to yield to reason everywhere -- to despotism nowhere.

The attendants from the Eight ward soon called for me. I declined going, and related the above conversation with the Doctor. Miss Smith replied:

"I do not abuse the patients -- the charge is a false one."

"I hope that I have been misinformed. Miss Clauson says she thinks you are trying to do as well as you know how, and I hope you have improved. Mrs. McFarland told me she disliked the way you treated the patients, and she wished you were away; but she added, 'she is good to the sick, and I wish to give her all the credit she deserves.' But should we be together I can assure you, I shall be a true friend to you -- I shall respect and honor your conscience -- I shall defend the abused and the wronged everywhere, whether attendant or patient."

"We shall not, of course, force you to go with us."

And they went to report me to the Doctor.

Next, Dr. Tenny was sent, to try what influence he could have over me. I told him that:

"I cannot see why the Doctor cannot treat me as gentlemanly as he has of late begun to treat the maniacs, in asking them civilly, whether they were willing to go to another ward; and he has, to my knowledge, left it to their own wishes to decide this question. I know this is a great progressive step for him to take in the right direction, but why should I be singled out just now as an exception to this new era of events? Despotism is making another attack for mastery over his better nature, and he ought to be restrained, for he has no moral right to rule responsible moral agents, except through their reason. For his good, as well as my own, I shall never submit to this rule over me in any other manner."

Dr. Tenny replied, "He cannot be governed by the wishes of the patients. It is my opinion you had better go."

"It is my opinion I had better not go. So we differ in opinion here."

Mrs. McFarland next came, and tried to influence me to go voluntarily. I remained firm.

Many of my friends about the house, and my companions in the new Seventh ward tried to induce me to give up to the Doctor, and as I gave my reasons to one Mrs. Farnside, she remarked: "Well, suffer it to be so now."

About eleven o'clock the next day, Dr. McFarland with two of his porters, entered my room while I was packing my trunk to be transported. The Doctor very politely asked:

"Mrs. Packard, will you go up to the Eighth ward your-self?"

"No, sir! I refuse from principle. I regard your order as an act of despotism, which I cannot conscientiously coun-tenance."

"Very well," and turning to the porters he said:

"You take this lady up very gently, and carefully, don't hurt her, and carry her to her room."

"Thank you, Doctor, for your kind cautions to handle me gently, for I am not as well as usual to-day, although better than I was early this morning. Can I finish packing my trunk?"