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Modern Persecution, or Insane Asylums Unveiled
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2276 | In my dialogue with Lizzy Bonner, already referred to, I had given her to understand that I should lay these matters before Dr. Tenny, the first opportunity. | |
2277 | She replied, that if I interfered, I should "git the same treatment the rest on 'em git." | |
2278 | I was so closely watched, however, that no opportunity occurred for a long time, in which to tell Dr. Tenny. | |
2279 | Dr. McFarland seldom came into the Fifth ward, and when he did, would pass directly through the hall, without ever, to my knowledge, stopping to show the least sympathy, or the least attempt to relieve the suffering so dreadfully apparent in every face. | |
2280 | We used to say that Dr. McFarland's nose was too deli-cate; he didn't seem much to enjoy the smell of the Fifth ward. We didn't blame him for that; we only blamed him for making us endure it. | |
2281 | The room Lizzy gave me was one where the occupant, unfortunately, was much addicted to using tobacco, and would eject the superfluous perversion of the gastric juice all over the floor, and the walls of her room, with a liberality, which, to a decent woman, must be truly appalling. | |
2282 | It certainly appalled me, when, to my utter consternation, I discovered that this room was assigned to me! | |
2283 | In this most filthy place, I could not breathe without nearly strangling, but I was assured that the room was: | |
2284 | "Good enough fur yees." | |
2285 | Sick and enfeebled as the ague had made me, I yet felt more able to scrub and clean, than to breathe and sleep in this terrible Pandora's box as it was. | |
2286 | I very mildly asked of my attendant the privilege of procuring from the wash-room a pail of hot water and soap, with which to clean this room. She granted this favor, and I was overjoyed, having feared that I was to be locked in here as it was. | |
2287 | I began my task, proceeding gradually as my strength allowed, to scrub and make clean this filthy room, so far as I was able to reach the wall upwards. The remainder I was obliged to leave unfinished. But the floor I made quite clean, with abundance of water and soap scrubbing, so that before night the room was really quite tolerable. | |
2288 | One of the insane, who was allowed to go out, had the kindness to bring a nice bouquet of beautiful flowers, which I accepted gratefully, and placed in my partly darkened window. I looked upon these beautiful expressions of good-will with real pleasure, -- a pleasure bestowed by the sweet ministra-tions of our gentle mother nature. | |
2289 | What a poor fool I was, to imagine for a moment that such a privilege would be allowed me! | |
2290 | As soon as Lizzy came along, she rushed up to my flowers, jerked them out of the room in an instant, without saying a word, then giving the door a bang with her keys, vanished out of my sight. | |
2291 | I dared make no remonstrance, "lest some worse thing might come to me." | |
2292 | The next day, lo, a worse thing did come! | |
2293 | Seeing how tidy and clean I had made the room, she in-formed me she wanted that room for another patient. | |
2294 | Before I had time even to look up in atonishment, -sic- I was jerked out of it, with as little ceremony as had been my un-fortunate flowers the previous day. Opening another door, into another horribly filthy room, she said: | |
2295 | "This is to be your room now." | |
2296 | I shall not attempt to portray my feelings on this occa-sion! | |
2297 | With much abated strength, and now rather waning hope, again I procured soap and other etceteras, and repeated the cleaning process of the previous day. | |
2298 | I was allowed only two days to enjoy (?) this room before I was again driven into one still worse! | |
2299 | Those "petty persecutions" continued till the attendant saw that I had no strength left with which to scrub. Then she put me into a screen-room and there I remained the time I staid in this ward. | |
2300 | One day I heard a dreadful noise, worse by far than any I had previously heard. It appeared that for some trifling offence, disputing with an attendant, I believe, Mrs. Hays had incurred the anger of Lizzy Bonner, who now was punishing her. | |
2301 | She tore off, one after another, every single article of cloth-ing from her victim. She did this with so much haste, that she tore the under woolen garment into several pieces, and. threw the pieces about the floor. Then when perfectly nude, the attendant kicked her body till she had crowded her quite under a stationary bench, when Mrs. Hays curled herself up in a heap, so to speak, Lizzy's back was turned to me; she did not know I was "taking notes." | |
2302 | I stood paralyzed on witnessing these barbarities, silent and motionless, transfixed with a cold creeping horror: | |
2303 | "Oh, God!" exclaimed I, 'in the deep abyss of my soul, while with dumb lips I quailed.' "Is it thus that thy children must suffer? How long, Oh, Lord, how long?" | |
2304 | The screams of the sufferer were so terrific, and the blows she received so much more terrific, that at last I turned to leave the scene, feeling that I could no longer endure to see it. | |
2305 | But in one instant, -- as if more than mortal strength come to my aid, -- I thought, "if this sufferer can bear to feel them, I will train my selfish nerves to look on. Because, if I do not see these things, I can never say that I saw them, and as they do exist, I wish to be able to testify." |