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The Life Of P.T. Barnum

Creator: Phineas T. Barnum (author)
Date: 1855
Publisher: Redfield, New York
Source: Available at selected libraries
Figures From This Artifact: Figure 2  Figure 3  Figure 4  Figure 5

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217  

Our baggage was taken to the custom-house, and, after paying duties on every thing we could not swear was of English manufacture, we were permitted to depart. We took apartments at the Waterloo Hotel -- the best in the city -- and after paying some half dozen porters half a crown each for looking at our luggage, for not half that number touched it, we washed down our indignation with a bottle of port, and dined upon a noble sirloin of English roast beef, accompanied with a rich delicacy known as "fried soles and shrimp sauce."

218  

After discussing dinner, I walked out to take a look at the town. A few squares brought me to the Nelson monument. While admiring its many beauties, a venerable-looking, well-dressed old gentle-man, kindly volunteered to explain to me the various devices and inscriptions. His whole soul appeared centred in that pillar raised to perpetuate the fame of a noble and valiant hero. As he went on explaining the many interesting details so elegantly set forth in this great work of art, I found myself becoming singularly attached to him. I had heard much of the coldness and haughty bearing of the English people, and I was rejoiced to be able so soon testify that they had been seriously slandered.

219  

Here, said I to myself is one of their own soldiers, no doubt wealthy and respected, who kindly volunteers to come with the most friendly familiarity, and devote an hour to a stranger in pointing out the beauties of a noble pile, which gratifies his and his country's patriotism and pride. I began involuntarily to guess how much he was worth, and at last set down his income at £10,000 per annum. Human nature rose at least a hundred degrees in my estimation as I reflected that an "old English gentleman" could at once be so wealthy and so kind and disinterested. I already expected every moment to be invited to spend a week at his mansion, and to ride about the city in his splendid equipage, and therefore I gave him a parting bow of thanks, half ashamed that I had so long trespassed on his kindness, when he extended his hand, and in the voice of a mendicant remarked that he would be thankful for any remuneration I thought fit to bestow for his trouble!

220  

My pretty vision of all his greatness was annihilated, and thrusting a shilling into his hand, I walked away with a rapid pace, giving an extra pull to the strings of my purse as I slipped it into my pocket. Before I had proceeded five rods my ideas of the magnanimity of human nature fell twenty degrees below zero, and I set it down as an established fact, that in England it costs two and sixpence to look at a man, and just a crown to speak to him. It was a first impression merely, and I soon had reason to remember that there are "queer fish" hailing from other than British waters.

221  

Towards evening of the same day, a tall, raw-boned man called on me at the hotel. He introduced himself by saying that he was a brother Yankee, and would be happy in pointing out the many wonders in Liverpool that a stranger would be pleased to see.

222  

I asked him how long he had been in Liverpool, and he replied, "Nearly a week!"I declined his proffered services abruptly, remarking, that if he had been there only a week, I probably knew as much about England as he did.

223  

"Oh," said he, "you are mistaken. I have been in England before, though never till recently in Liverpool."

224  

"What part of England?" I inquired.

225  

"Opposite Niagara Falls," he replied; "I spent several days there with the British soldiers."

226  

I laughed in his face, and reminded him that England did not lie opposite Niagara Falls. The impudent fellow was confused for a moment, and then triumphantly exclaimed:

227  

"I didn't mean England. I know what country it is as well as you do."

228  

"Well, what country is it?"I asked, quite assured that he did not know.

229  

"Great Britain, of course," said he.

230  

It is needless to add that the honor of his company as a guide in Liverpool was declined, and he went off apparently in a huff because his abilities had not been appreciated.

231  

The preceding interviews may have had some influence in depressing my spirits, by lowering my estimate of human nature, and merriment was not greatly promoted by still another incident of the same day, and later in the evening.

232  

I was called upon by the proprietor of a cheap show of wax-figures at three ha'pence admission. Having heard of the arrival of the great American curiosity, he had taken the earliest opportunity to make proposals for the engagement of the General and myself, at about ten dollars per week, to add somewhat to the attractions of his already remarkable exhibition!

233  

I could but laugh at the novelty of the joke, and yet there was a sadness settling down upon me in the thought that dwarfs were at rather a low figure in the fancy-stocks of England. Under other circumstances, the shadow on my path would have speedily passed away, but a sort of home-sickness had taken hold of me, and the world began to look very dark. I was a stranger in a strange land. My letters of introduction had not yet been delivered. Outside the little circle of my own company, I had not seen a familiar face nor heard a familiar voice. The crowded streets of Liverpool were gradually deserted as the veil of night was being drawn over the earth. I felt all alone, and, at the risk of being laughed at, I must acknowledge that I had a solitary hearty crying-spell! My dreams that night were of "Home, sweet Home."

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